I know we all have illusions about who we are. How others perceive us and we perceive ourselves are, in most cases, two completely different perceptions. For instance, my mom has a friend named Tina who does that little smack thing with her lips that people do when they’re about to move on to their next point, then follows it with the little just-drunk-a-glass-of-water gasp.

She puffs on her fingernails and pretends to polish them on her shirt when she thinks she’s said something particularly clever. She’s the adult version of the high school yearbook editor, slightly on the clever side, but condescending, in everybody’s business, and rarely gets invited anywhere. You wouldn’t throw rocks at her if you saw her on the street; she’s only slightly on the attractive side for her age. So that’s how I perceive Tina.

But Tina thinks she’s really cool. Not cool in the freewheeling salutatorian sense. She’s not the girl with nerd glasses who likes Quentin Tarantino and knows she’s a nerd. Tina seriously thinks she belongs at the cool table, with the clique, the sorority bound. The salutatorian likes the acknowledged nerds for their interesting passions and their nonconformity. Tina despises the nerds.

Anyway, I came across this video and am posting it here, because I want you all to know how I imagine myself. I’m not sure if this is totally accurate from an objective perspective, but I’m pretty sure that when I go to a gathering, this is how I am received. Enjoy the show! I didn’t make this video, by the way. It’s a Heineken ad.